I don’t think the “My New Haircut” YouTube video is funny. If that makes me a bad college student, so be it. OK, I suppose it has some quotable one-liners, but overall I think it goes for cheap laughs that are only truly amusing when imitated by attractive young men singing a capella music (if you attended the Clef Hangers concert at Memorial Hall Saturday night, you know what I’m talking about.)

Don’t worry, I do have a point here. Today we’re talking about men in designer jeans. Disclaimer: American Eagle and Abercrombie & Fitch don’t count as designer.

I personally find nothing more attractive than a man in a pair of perfectly fitting jeans– I don’t care what brand they are. I’m serious. If you ever, for some reason, need to lure me into a dark cave full of rabid bats, hypodermic needles and carbon copies of my estranged great aunt, just make sure there’s a mildly attractive man in jeans standing at the door.

But, like always, there is more than one way to go about achieving this look. Let’s get the more questionable one out of the way first.

I have these jeans. Literally. They’re in my closet right now. I’ll show them to you if you want. Something about that just doesn’t sit right with me. Before you express your distaste and say that I don’t appreciate a man who cares about his appearance, let me explain myself. I admire men who take pride in what they wear. I think every man should. (If you think I’m just saying that, you should start reading GBF more. Really. You’ll see that I would do almost anything for a man who can dress– see needles-in-cave allusion above.)

But, I personally think that these 7 For All Mankind “A” Pocket jeans should be reserved for the ladies. When I see men in these, all that runs through my head is “greasy clubby skeezy dirty man-slutty ew.” BAM. Just like that. Kind of like last week when I saw David Beckham on E! and the first thing that popped into my head was “perfection so-pretty rippling muscles Victoria-I’ll-sneak-into-your-room-at-night-and-bind-and-gag-you.” It’s amazing how quickly these associations pop into our heads.

Let’s try this the right way:

Now that’s what I like to see. If you are a man who has a weakness for designer jeans, GO ON WITH YOUR BAD SELF. Just put some thought into it first! These Diesel Levan jeans are the way to do it. The dark wash helps achieve the dressed up look without the added My-New-Haircut-ness. One thing for men to focus on when buying jeans is where they break. What I’m referring to is where the leg of the jeans start to fold when they hit your shoes. A little wrinkle is just fine. Also, the leg opening should reach about two to three inches from the ankle. Too wide of an opening puts you balancing on a fine line between burly mechanic and skater punk.

Let’s take a look from behind:

This is a perfect pocket for men’s designer jeans. It has the perfect amount of originality while still keeping masculinity intact. The most important thing to keep in mind is this: keep your pants pulled UP. We are no longer in middle school. No one wants to see 8 inches of your boxers. Those are cute reindeers though.