So, a few things about this month’s issue of Vogue:

No. 1: You owe me $3,000 in hospital bills, Anna Wintour. When I tried to pull my copy out of my mailbox, I severely injured both arms. Whether it’s a break or a severe fracture is debatable. But the doctors think I’m going to make it into a few medical journals. The point is, that thing was RIDICULOUSLY heavy. Three inches is far too thick for a “magazine.”

No. 2: Drew Barrymore: what… are… you… doing. She looks like a, like a… I don’t even know. Why don’t you guys take a look:

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Here is my problem with this photograph: Drew Barrymore looks like a classic beauty.

And she’s not.

But before you say that I’m an evil person with unfair definitions of beauty, let me say that i think Drew Barrymore is absolutely gorgeous. But I think she has a unique beauty that is all her own. She has a fun, spunky quality about her that makes her sexy and different.

So, Drew, what’s the deal? Why are you trying to be something you’re not? Let’s take a look back into August 2007, the last time Drew graced the cover of Vogue.

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She looks NOTHING like she does now! Excuse the ungodly amount of exclamation points and capitalization I’ve employed in this post, but I just can’t get over this. It’s not even like August 2007 was a long time ago. Perhaps you think you’re being crafty and pulling one over on the silly readers of American Vogue. Oh, Anna, you’re so sneaky with your Photoshopping abilities.

Way to be a role model, Drew. I think I’ll go out and lose 45 pounds, have my face lifted and get a boob job. Now let that fester in your conscience.

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