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GBF wears short shorts! Actually… that’s not true. I don’t wear shorts. I used to wear shorts. But I also used to think Britney Spears was a wholesome role model, Pluto was a planet and Duke was a respectable institution of higher learning.

And those sentiments are obviously shot to hell.

But, the more I shop, the more I notice all the spring collections rolling in. And most of you out there do wear shorts. So, let’s talk about ’em!

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I’ll be honest with you, boys and girls. I can’t stand J. Crew. Really. Every time I see it, I’m bombarded with images of pastel colored frat stars dancing in my head.

But, I will hand it to you, J. Crew. These ain’t half bad. They’re a good way to wear short shorts without being– er — inappropriate. They’re definitely classy, and they come in lots and lots of bright, summery colors.

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I know, I know. These Urban Outfitters high-waisted shorts are a little daring. But if you feel like breaking down all denim shorts barriers, these are the way to go. And if you have a little tummy problem, the high waistline does wonders. But, they also work if you have a teeny tiny waist and a big booty. They highlight all the right places. Ooo la la.

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Bermuda, Bahama, come on, pretty mamma. If short shorts aren’t for you, you can still let a little leg show with Bermuda shorts. This American Eagle pair is perfect. They should hit you just above the knee so they don’t fall into capri pant territory. And the best part? You won’t constantly be pulling them down so that your thighs don’t rub together (ouch).

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If you can wear these American Apparel hot shorts and pull them off, I will seriously consider bulldozing my house and building a monument to you in its place. Honestly. I’m not worthy. I saw them in an Am App store this week, and I was sick with jealousy of all of those who can rock them. So, please. If you can wear them, e-mail me a picture and you will be the new GBF star.

All hail.

Remember when ’90s grunge was in? OK I don’t either. Realistically speaking, we were like 10-years-old, which means that we still thought polka-dot spandex and Tevas were a good match. If you would have added a neon scrunchy to the mix, oh boy. That walk to the bus stop might as well have been a lights-flashing-beats-pulsing runway.

Anyway, from what I’ve heard, the oversized, flannel button-ups and baggy jeans were all the rage. And who else to blaze a fashion trail in the 2000s than– drum role, please– Miss Mary Kate Olsen.

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I almost wrote, “If only we could all make an ensemble like this look so good.” But, then I changed my mind. Why can’t we all pull this off? Let’s break it down:

Purse: MK’s is probably made by Versace or some other fabulous couture designer. But look in any vintage store and you’re bound to give this bag a run for its money.

T-shirt: How many ways can I say this? AMERICAN APPAREL AMERICAL APPAREL AMERICAN APPAREL.

Sunglasses: Like always, when all else fails, go Urban. I just bought these last weekend from my Mecca– aka Urban Outfitters– and I assure you, they’re serving me quite well. And I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say I probably spent a LOT less money on these than my girl MK.

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Grunge no good? Dress up your MK obsession with this casual-but-still-chic look. I must say, I doubted these scrunch-waisted bottoms when I first got an eye-full of them. But, I’ll be honest with you, GBFers: as soon as I saw Mary Kate in them I changed my tune. Although I fear that if I wore this outfit I’d get a reaction somewhere along the lines of:

Preppy Friend #1: Heyyy, Abbey. What’s going on?

Me: Oh not too much, guys. I’m just on my way to class. What about you?

Preppy Friend #2: We meant with those pants. What’s– uh– what’s goin’ on there. With those pants. What’s goin’, uh. What’s goin’ on.

But, has that ever stopped us before, GBFers? It didn’t stop me with my gladiator sandals, and it won’t stop me now. Oh, you don’t know what gladiator sandals are? Have no fear, MK to the rescue.

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As any of my friends and/or acquaintances could tell you, I am a firm believer the power of gladiator sandals. Mine aren’t quite as intense as these. They do look a lot like the ones on the left, but they’re about half as tall, and they’re brown. And they’re not Chanel

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Go ahead, hit me with your best shot. I bet I’ve already gotten it. I’ve gotten most of them: Jesus sandals, 300 shoes, “This is Sparta!” etc…

But, please. By all means. That’s what the “comment” feature of the ol’ blog is for.

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I just had to add this nice, grunge-tastic pic to the post. Mostly because I tried on an American Apparel cardigan last weekend that looked just like this one, and it was the most heavenly thing I have ever put on my body. Too bad I had already bought out half the store. And, I’ll tell ya, it took all of my strength and you’re-never-going-to-realistically-wear-these convincing abilities to talk myself out of buying a pair of gold metallic leggings.

I think it had something to do with the incredibly charming Am. App. employee. When he saw me reaching for the tri-blend tee he suggested I try on the tri-blend cardigan. And I did. Then he suggested I try on the matching scarf. And I did. Then he suggested I run as fast as I can into oncoming traffic and see how many cars I can dodge while balancing a 5-feet-high stack of valuable china on the end of my nose. And I did. Then he suggested I sell my car, auction off my sister to a lonely, Czechoslovakian hermit and buy him a one-way ticket to Timbuktu.

Let’s just say he was quite charming.

Ah, I remember my high school days. Yes, those were the good ol’ days when I wore short, plaid pleated skirts and casually strewn-about neck ties. I recall so fondly when I had a gossip Site devoted entirely to my group of friends and me. People would send text messages every minute of every day to this anonymous girl who had a sexy, raspy voice so that she could update the high-traffic Site and foster the longing stares of the little people upon my life of fabulous, well-endowed glory.

Good times.

Alright, that wasn’t me (I hope that little rant didn’t forgo my chances of being invited to my high school reunion.)

If you don’t already know, I have just given you a brief synopsis of the new, hit TV show for fall: Gossip Girl.

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Omg I know! That’s exactly what I looked like in high school, too! No, I didn’t have god-awful highlights and an awkwardly tall stature. And I didn’t use phrases like, “Omg.” I looked just like Serena van der Woodsen, the fictional, blond bombshell played by Blake Lively.

OK, let’s be honest. I’m just ├╝ber-jealous of her fab-ness. Gawk with me, GBFers. Gawk:

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The first time Serena (and I will refer to her by her character’s name because I enjoy living vicariously through her) came on the scene in this schoolgirl-chic ensemble it was love at first sight. It almost makes me wish I went to a high school where we had to wear uniforms. Well, not really, because we probably couldn’t have gotten away with wearing our skirts hiked up with knee-length, gray suede boots. But, if we could, WHEW! Let me tell ya.

But who says we have to forever live in envy now that we’re in college? We could totally pull this off, Carolina. You all know my love for prendiness. There will be no cabs in the Pit to nonchalantly glide into, but we can SO bring this look to campus. Your BF will not notice if you sneak one of his ties. And, hey, if you did go to a school where you had to wear pre-pill-popping-Britney-esque skirts, bust ’em back out! And this time you won’t get shunned and re-baptized if you wear it a touch above the knee.

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Mmm hmm. I bet you only eat yogurt. Maybe an occasional raisin if you’re feeling naughty. Skinny bia– wait, did I say that out-loud?

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Oh boy oh boy oh boy! I love a girl who can pull off the nautical look so well. The navy- and white- striped top is a surefire way to bring those sailors into port, if you know what I mean– wink wink.

And with the cigarette pants? Per-fec-tion. And you would carry Louis Vuitton luggage, Serena. You would. You’re great. Have I told you that yet? You’re just great.

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A warning: don’t look at Blaire. I don’t like her. She’s way too stuck up and does not deserve the friendship of my girl Serena. And she DEF does not deserve Nate. Who’s Nate, you ask? Oh, we’ll get to him in a minute.

But, look at the AWESOME red and white Ray-Ban shades on her posse! I love love love these. Alright, so my lover Bob Dylan probably had no idea that Upper East Side-ers would be rockin’ his trend-setting ways in ’07, but isn’t that one of the best parts about fashion? What goes around comes around…

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This–boys and girls– is Nate. I love a man in an all-black suit. Nothing is more eye-catching and jaw-dropping than an image like that. Its perfect shape creates a sexy silhouette that looks bangin’ on almost any guy. My date to the senior prom wore an all-black suit with a bright green tie, because my dress was bright green (obV). I’d put up a pic, but we’ve had enough reminiscence for one post.

Ah, I can just hear Nate now:

“Wow, look at Abbey’s blog. It’s so witty… so informative… so fabulous. And the name, ‘The Good, The Bad and The Fab.’ It’s perfect. She’s perfect. Maybe if I read GBF enough and comment on her fantastic fashion sense, she’ll go out with me. I sure hope so. She keeps ignoring my phone calls, so this might be my last hope. She must be out with dozens of guys even foxier than me. Oh, how it pains me to think like that–Siiiigh.”

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Alright, so you can’t really see Dan’s outfit–um–at all. But he’s just so cute. So Seth Cohen. I just had to give him props. If I had a scrumptious Dan-man relentlessly stalking me for three years, it would not take me until the moment that I clumsily spilled my purse in a hotel lobby to notice. That was your one mistake, Serena.

I’m beginning to regret this confession of love for Gossip Girl. I better stop before this gets out of hand.

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Yoori doesn’t go to UNC (she’s a fashion student in Cali, isn’t it obV?), but isn’t she great? In the opinion of a close friend and follower of GBF, Yoori’s style is very similar to mine. (Not to say that my style is “great,” but…well… let’s just say it’s workin’ for me so far.)

Anyway, what’s not to love about this outfit? This chick-a-dee’s vintage-style tee is by an up-and-coming designer, Beatrix (yes, I’m aware that the site is under construction.) Word on the street is that Yoori’s friends with them– and that it’s awesome.

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But, what I love most about this outfit is the blingin’ sequin vest. Yoori’s is from Forever 21, which is a perfectly acceptable and cheaper version of the I-want-you-so-badly-I-would-consider-giving-up-my-first-born-child-for-you Kimchi & Blue vest from Urban Outfitters.

Alright, so, Yoori, just go ahead and send me that vest in the mail. I’ll F-book you my address. I would give it to you on here, but you know how those crazed GBF fans can get. They’re groupies, I tell you. Groupies.

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I am beyond obsessed with House of Holland by Henry Holland. Here’s the deal: he takes the names of fashion moguls and turns them into kind-of-dirty/kind-of-AWESOME catch phrases. Ex: “Do me daily Christopher Bailey,” “Do me in the park Marc, “I don’t do womens just Raf Simmons.”

These t’s will run you a pretty penny. But, there are plenty of cheaper versions to be found. Try Urban Outfitters or Forever 21.

And I’ve got my eye on you, Carolina. So if you’re wearing one, I’m just around the corner waiting for you to say, “Cheese.”

Oh, one more thing: I’m not giving you $50,000 if you’re wearing one. Maybe some candy though. Or a hug. Depends on what kind of mood I’m in.