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… he’s just so cute! I don’t care if actor Anton Yelchin is barely 18-years-old.

I saw Charlie Bartlett this weekend, and let me say this first and foremost: it was AWESOME. Hilarious, witty, fresh and full of the over-prescription and misuse of potentially dangerous drugs. Everything I look for in a movie.

And, of course, fantastic attire.

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I wish I looked that cute while sitting, fully clothed, on the grimy seat of an underfunded public school toilet. It probably would have made the memories of my high school experience far more nostalgic.

But, the point is, Charlie looks really good. Although he starts out in a dweeby, private school uniform complete with an embroidered crest and Latin inscription, he turns his outfit into something hip and fresh. Without the dorky patch, you have a sleek-but-casual sports coat with a funky, original T-shirt.

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OK, try to look past the overly tattooed arms…

This Urban Outfitters T-shirt is an excellent option. The bright colors pop out and offset the drab navy blue sports coat. Want to be even more hip and avant-garde? (Yes, Abbey, yes I do! Please tell us how!) Pair this outfit with some old school Chuck Taylors.

It also helps if you’re a badass 17-year-old with access to a limousine and prescription pills.

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It’s 10:43 p.m. on Christmas Day, and as I sit here trying to salvage what is left of this holly jolly time of year by watching Elf for the third time in 48 hours, I can’t help but see a Christmas spirit that surpasses even Buddy the Elf’s in Papa, pictured above.

Papa is the grandfather of my childhood best friends and next-door neighbors (holla holla, Carr family.) This just goes to show that no matter what age, style is timeless– especially around the Christmas season. As us young folks are agonizing over whether our Yuletides match our wassailing boots, the older generation often cares more about instilling in us the idea of what that warm, fuzzy feeling Christmas brings is all about. (I said “old-er,” not “old.” Papa obviously doesn’t look a day over 43.)

And, before you think to yourselves, “Wow, Abbey must have gotten a really sweet camera with a 4-inch telephoto lens for Christmas and then somehow acquired the ability to take professional pictures that practically make me tear up with Christmas spirit,” I must give credit where credit is due: This photo was taken by Bethany Carr, one of the aforementioned childhood best friends.

The second I saw Papa’s holly berry bow tie, I just had to have Bethany snap a pic. This should really be on a Christmas card, don’t ya think? Hallmark, paging Hallmark. Hallmark on Line 3.

Merry Christmas, GBF!

I don’t think the “My New Haircut” YouTube video is funny. If that makes me a bad college student, so be it. OK, I suppose it has some quotable one-liners, but overall I think it goes for cheap laughs that are only truly amusing when imitated by attractive young men singing a capella music (if you attended the Clef Hangers concert at Memorial Hall Saturday night, you know what I’m talking about.)

Don’t worry, I do have a point here. Today we’re talking about men in designer jeans. Disclaimer: American Eagle and Abercrombie & Fitch don’t count as designer.

I personally find nothing more attractive than a man in a pair of perfectly fitting jeans– I don’t care what brand they are. I’m serious. If you ever, for some reason, need to lure me into a dark cave full of rabid bats, hypodermic needles and carbon copies of my estranged great aunt, just make sure there’s a mildly attractive man in jeans standing at the door.

But, like always, there is more than one way to go about achieving this look. Let’s get the more questionable one out of the way first.

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I have these jeans. Literally. They’re in my closet right now. I’ll show them to you if you want. Something about that just doesn’t sit right with me. Before you express your distaste and say that I don’t appreciate a man who cares about his appearance, let me explain myself. I admire men who take pride in what they wear. I think every man should. (If you think I’m just saying that, you should start reading GBF more. Really. You’ll see that I would do almost anything for a man who can dress– see needles-in-cave allusion above.)

But, I personally think that these 7 For All Mankind “A” Pocket jeans should be reserved for the ladies. When I see men in these, all that runs through my head is “greasy clubby skeezy dirty man-slutty ew.” BAM. Just like that. Kind of like last week when I saw David Beckham on E! and the first thing that popped into my head was “perfection so-pretty rippling muscles Victoria-I’ll-sneak-into-your-room-at-night-and-bind-and-gag-you.” It’s amazing how quickly these associations pop into our heads.

Let’s try this the right way:

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Now that’s what I like to see. If you are a man who has a weakness for designer jeans, GO ON WITH YOUR BAD SELF. Just put some thought into it first! These Diesel Levan jeans are the way to do it. The dark wash helps achieve the dressed up look without the added My-New-Haircut-ness. One thing for men to focus on when buying jeans is where they break. What I’m referring to is where the leg of the jeans start to fold when they hit your shoes. A little wrinkle is just fine. Also, the leg opening should reach about two to three inches from the ankle. Too wide of an opening puts you balancing on a fine line between burly mechanic and skater punk.

Let’s take a look from behind:

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This is a perfect pocket for men’s designer jeans. It has the perfect amount of originality while still keeping masculinity intact. The most important thing to keep in mind is this: keep your pants pulled UP. We are no longer in middle school. No one wants to see 8 inches of your boxers. Those are cute reindeers though.

So, I was in the UL (I know, shocker) and I saw this guy standing right outside on the Pit side of the window. “Hm, let’s see…” I said to myself.

“What’s more important: geology or freezing in time this young man’s impeccable style? I mean, really, am I ever going to encounter a time where I’ll need to be able to recognize a metaconglomerate rock? No, no i won’t. But I will encounter a time when recognizing a well-dressed man will certainly be to my benefit. In fact, I think I owe it to society to take his picture. Yeah, that’s right. I owe it to society. I guess I have to leave the library. What a shame.”

And then the girl behind me was like, “Um, can you stop voicing your interior monologue out-loud? It’s really irritating. And kind of weird. Actually, here’s my card. I’m a TA in the psychology department. We’d really like you to be a part of a study we’re conducting.”

Well, here was the result of my perfectly logical rationalization:

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And now for my reasoning behind the title of this post: Austin Fowler’s outfit reminds me of a smooth, ransom-collecting, drug-dealing American gangster. And if you haven’t caught on, that’s DEFINITELY a good thing. Maybe it had something to do with the way he was so casually leaning against the cement wall, or maybe it had something to do with my serious lack of concentration on what I should have been concentrating on, but Austin really caught my eye.

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He’s wearing this outfit perfectly. The light pink and white striped oxford lost any question of femininity when he paired it with the BA gray vest. What’s great about a thinly striped button-down is that it’s not too busy to add a funky tie. A tie is often the focal point of a man’s body, so it’s beyond-important to make it a good one.

And don’t even get me started on a man in jeans. I am a firm believer that almost nothing is more attractive than a man who knows how to wear a pair of jeans. Any other bottom with Austin’s vest and tie combo would have been far too dressed-up for a stroll through campus. But, the denim here creates a perfect balance between a casual day of class and an NYC hipster in SoHo.

And, not that I advocate smoking in any way, shape or form, but it does kind of add to his rough-around-the-edges image.

But–um–don’t smoke. Smoking’s bad.

Ah, I remember my high school days. Yes, those were the good ol’ days when I wore short, plaid pleated skirts and casually strewn-about neck ties. I recall so fondly when I had a gossip Site devoted entirely to my group of friends and me. People would send text messages every minute of every day to this anonymous girl who had a sexy, raspy voice so that she could update the high-traffic Site and foster the longing stares of the little people upon my life of fabulous, well-endowed glory.

Good times.

Alright, that wasn’t me (I hope that little rant didn’t forgo my chances of being invited to my high school reunion.)

If you don’t already know, I have just given you a brief synopsis of the new, hit TV show for fall: Gossip Girl.

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Omg I know! That’s exactly what I looked like in high school, too! No, I didn’t have god-awful highlights and an awkwardly tall stature. And I didn’t use phrases like, “Omg.” I looked just like Serena van der Woodsen, the fictional, blond bombshell played by Blake Lively.

OK, let’s be honest. I’m just ├╝ber-jealous of her fab-ness. Gawk with me, GBFers. Gawk:

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The first time Serena (and I will refer to her by her character’s name because I enjoy living vicariously through her) came on the scene in this schoolgirl-chic ensemble it was love at first sight. It almost makes me wish I went to a high school where we had to wear uniforms. Well, not really, because we probably couldn’t have gotten away with wearing our skirts hiked up with knee-length, gray suede boots. But, if we could, WHEW! Let me tell ya.

But who says we have to forever live in envy now that we’re in college? We could totally pull this off, Carolina. You all know my love for prendiness. There will be no cabs in the Pit to nonchalantly glide into, but we can SO bring this look to campus. Your BF will not notice if you sneak one of his ties. And, hey, if you did go to a school where you had to wear pre-pill-popping-Britney-esque skirts, bust ’em back out! And this time you won’t get shunned and re-baptized if you wear it a touch above the knee.

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Mmm hmm. I bet you only eat yogurt. Maybe an occasional raisin if you’re feeling naughty. Skinny bia– wait, did I say that out-loud?

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Oh boy oh boy oh boy! I love a girl who can pull off the nautical look so well. The navy- and white- striped top is a surefire way to bring those sailors into port, if you know what I mean– wink wink.

And with the cigarette pants? Per-fec-tion. And you would carry Louis Vuitton luggage, Serena. You would. You’re great. Have I told you that yet? You’re just great.

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A warning: don’t look at Blaire. I don’t like her. She’s way too stuck up and does not deserve the friendship of my girl Serena. And she DEF does not deserve Nate. Who’s Nate, you ask? Oh, we’ll get to him in a minute.

But, look at the AWESOME red and white Ray-Ban shades on her posse! I love love love these. Alright, so my lover Bob Dylan probably had no idea that Upper East Side-ers would be rockin’ his trend-setting ways in ’07, but isn’t that one of the best parts about fashion? What goes around comes around…

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This–boys and girls– is Nate. I love a man in an all-black suit. Nothing is more eye-catching and jaw-dropping than an image like that. Its perfect shape creates a sexy silhouette that looks bangin’ on almost any guy. My date to the senior prom wore an all-black suit with a bright green tie, because my dress was bright green (obV). I’d put up a pic, but we’ve had enough reminiscence for one post.

Ah, I can just hear Nate now:

“Wow, look at Abbey’s blog. It’s so witty… so informative… so fabulous. And the name, ‘The Good, The Bad and The Fab.’ It’s perfect. She’s perfect. Maybe if I read GBF enough and comment on her fantastic fashion sense, she’ll go out with me. I sure hope so. She keeps ignoring my phone calls, so this might be my last hope. She must be out with dozens of guys even foxier than me. Oh, how it pains me to think like that–Siiiigh.”

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Alright, so you can’t really see Dan’s outfit–um–at all. But he’s just so cute. So Seth Cohen. I just had to give him props. If I had a scrumptious Dan-man relentlessly stalking me for three years, it would not take me until the moment that I clumsily spilled my purse in a hotel lobby to notice. That was your one mistake, Serena.

I’m beginning to regret this confession of love for Gossip Girl. I better stop before this gets out of hand.

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OK OK OK!!!!! YOU GOT IT OUT OF ME!!!

I’ve been hiding something from all you GBFers, but I just can’t do it anymore. I can’t take the dishonesty eating away at my conscience. So, here it is– my dirty little secret:

I’m an RA in Granville Towers.

I know. It’s a little embarrassing. And a lot nerdy. OK you can stop laughing now. Seriously stop. Alright it’s not that funny.

Anyway, the point is: I do get some sweet photo-ops while sitting behind that West Tower desk. This is one of them!

Plaid is SO SO in for the fall, and here lays proof that it applies to all of you guys out there, too. Al Borland cracks aside, please. You know this guy looks good. BUT, try to stick with jeans or another contrasting color pair of pants that don’t match the shirt/top too closely. Too much matchy-matchy can make you look like the guy on the plastic wrapper of Brawny paper towels. And big scary axes are not in.

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His shoes are a perfect combo with the plaid button-up. Just the right amount of burly-mountain-man-ness. They’re kind of like Sperry Topsiders but much scruffier. Be careful when wearing Sperrys with plaid. There are only so many ways you can mesh frat-star-fisherman with tree-chopping-hunter.

This demonstration of athletic sartorial splendor was brought to my attention by a fellow DTH-er. I’m sure you can guess the section of the paper of which he is the editor.

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And, I must admit, I am impressed. As my– er, colleague (?)– stated, this is “the most bada**” (sorry, I’m not allowed to cuss on here) fashion statement on the courts. This is Roger Federer, U.S. Open champ. Apparently it was about 100 degrees the day he donned this “Darth Vader” ensemble, which certainly contributes to its BA-ness.

Now, for a little compare-contrast:

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This is Rafael Nadal. OK, I’m all for colors. Colors are great. Really. But IIII don’t know about this. Granted, he is European (Spanish, in fact), and they do dress fairly, um, different, on that side of the pond. But, I mean, this is just my personal opinion, but teal would not be my color of choice if I was trying to look intimidating. Unless I was 100% certain that my opponent would be wearing a lovely shade of powder pink, I’d go ahead and stick to darker, more foreboding colors. I’d also try to steer clear of the blatant coordination. Color coordination is a necessity if you’re a cheerleading squad on the sidelines or a dance team preparing for competition. But, the U.S. Open? Let’s get serious, Raf.

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Oh yeah, and that’s Federer with Anna Wintour. Need I say more about his fashion expertise?

If you don’t know who Anna Wintour is, please leave this website. No no no, I’m just kidding. I take it back. You know I could never stay mad at you. GBF is here to help. To educate. Anna Wintour is the editor-in-chief of American Vogue. That basically means that she is the authority on American all things fashion. And she’s sitting next to Federer here in 2006 at the Oscar De La Renta spring ’07 show. Seriously. Wow.

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There’s one more thing that gives Federer a leg up on that other guy. LOOK AT HIM. Really, stop reading this text immediately and just gaze at this epitome of physical perfection. But don’t tell him that. See, one time I told him I thought he was cute and he got really cocky. I had to dump him. It got kind of messy. This photo was taken shortly after I agreed to take him back.

Roger: YES! Thank you for taking me back, Abbey. I promise I’ll never upset you again.

Me: Well, Rog, I mean you’re really walking on thin ice here. I’m giving you another chance, but I can’t promise you’ll be so lucky next time.

Roger: Please don’t say things like that, Abbey. You know that I love you more than tennis itself. I would quit tennis and follow you into the sunset if it meant that we could be together forever.

Me: Fine. Roger, seriously. Get off your knees. Stop crying, Roger. Stop crying. OK. OK I’ll break my date with Andy Roddick. He was getting too clingy anyway.

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Aw, isn’t he cute? Guys can pull off horizontal stripes like this (we all know what happens when girls try.) I don’t think Ben here really expected some girl with a camera to come running up to him mid-cigarette and beg to take his picture. Well, little did he know that the fab-ster strikes when you least expect it.

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Dear My Unsuspecting Muses,

I really like it when you don’t look at the camera. Makes for a less awkward situation. K. Good talk.

Love, Abbey