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Spring is a unique time of year. The sky is more blue, the grass is more green. But, unfortunately, women are just a little more pink. I have noticed that, for some reason, women are compelled to wear an atrocious amount of pink as soon as the temperature reaches 60 degrees. It’s like some sort of wack instinct or migration pattern. I admit that I’m a little biased, because I really hate pink. But I just can’t stand this anymore. There is such a thing as too much pink.

Pink, like all things, should be used in moderation.

This Gap top is nice. Yes, it is quite pink. But, it’s not the obnoxious, light pink that is typically reserved for nurseries and Easter candy. The tie at the waist gives it a nice shape, and it’s cool and breezy for summer.

Now, let’s take a look at a BIG NO-NO:

For the love of all things good and holy, never–EVER–wear these. I don’t care what season it is. I will be the first to admit that I own a pair of Uggs. BUT, mine are tan, and I only wear them as slippers with sweatpants. You might as well draw whiskers and floppy ears on these, because they look like severed bunny footie pajamas.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I love me some Elle Woods. She was pink and fabulous.

But, keep this in mind: being female does not mean that you have to dye everything in your closet to match a box a Peeps. I mean, for God’s sake, at the rate we’re going, why not just tie an apron over our eyes, stick some oven mits atop our manicured hands and send us back into the kitchen where we belong?

Ciao.

These are ugly. I wish people would stop wearing them.

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I understand that some people still aren’t over the whole cowboy boots thing, which is fine. Sometimes it takes a while to let go. But all things in moderation, people. Rain boots and cowboy boots are not supposed to mix. They come from different worlds.

I feel about these boots the same way I feel about peanut butter flavored ice cream: it’s not right. Ice cream is sweet. Peanut butter is salty. Ice cream is cold. Peanut butter is room temperature. Who had the bright idea to mix those two properties?

I blame the drought on people who wear boots like these. Stop disturbing the rain gods.

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There I am, walking out of Southpark Mall in Charlotte with my cousin, when all of the sudden… BAM. No, I’m not trying to be the next Emeril. That’s truly the halting reaction I endured when I saw this show-stoppin’ diva walking toward me.

Never have I seen so many fashion rules so flawlessly followed. Don’t get me wrong. I’m all for bending and breaking these “regulations” the world of fashion imposes upon us all. For example, ain’t no one gonna tell me when I can and can’t wear white. And if I want to wear a brown belt with a black dress, I’ll be darned if I’m going to let some brawd tell me otherwise. Unless it’s Anna Wintour. If she told me to burn all my clothes and shoes because going-to-class-naked-and-barefoot is the new black, I’d seriously consider it definitely do it.

However, Sam (in the picture above) could have convinced me easily that she co-wrote/edited/manned-the-printing-press-for the big book o’ fashion rules:

1. Mustard yellow is reserved strictly for brunettes, particularly brunettes of the chestnut persuasion.

2. Unless you are intentionally trying to make a statement with a non-matching, candy-colored (turquoise, bright pink, purple, etc.) bag, your purse should always match your shoes and your belt.

3. NEVER pull your tights too tight. EVER. If one can actually see the color of your skin through your tights, you seriously need to invest more time in putting them on. Take special care to evenly distribute the fabric all the way up your leg in the process. I might just have to put up another post more intricately detailing tights-protocol very soon.

The list of Sam’s exceptional behavior in the school of fashion goes on and on and on. And this is just one outfit! Oh yeah, and another thing: she goes to The Fashion Institute. Natch.

This is all good rule-following, of course. Really good. Not in the way that that kid in front of you in your philosophy class follows all the rules. How he’s always like, “Hey, that girl over there just came in late,” and “Professor! Professor! You forgot to give us homework!” One time I saw that kid coming to class and I just tripped him and blamed it on the uneven bricks. He had to go to Student Health for the whooole class. Best class of my life.

No, I’m totally kidding. I blamed it on a nearby construction site.

The knit dress with cowboy boots.

What might have been last year’s most tempting selection for a day of class or a night on Franklin St. is–sadly to say– OUT!

Wait! Wait! Don’t throw away your classic, easy-to-wear frocks yet! And please don’t send your perfectly worn-in cowboy boots out to pasture!

If we band together, we can make this WORK. Let’s give it the run-down:

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PRINTED OR SOLID KNIT DRESS: GOOD.

This one’s from Urban Outfitters (always a good choice in my book.)

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COWBOY BOOTS: GOOD.

Classic, cattle-ropin’ kicks like these Frye Boots are a necessity in any woman’s (and even man’s!) closet.

BUT, WAIT!

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PRINTED OR SOLID KNIT DRESS + COWBOY BOOTS = SO LAST YEAR!

Alright, so this is a slightly blurry picture of Yours Truly from the days of yore when I was a blond. Yes, I was a blond for quite some time before I realized the error of my unnatural-frying-my-hair-out-of-my-head ways.

I realize that this is not the best pic, but you didn’t expect me to put up a picture of one of my unsuspecting Facebook friends, did you? (I’m not that mean.) Sometimes you just have to bite the bullet and make a blackmail-worthy sacrifice for your loyal blog readers. (Or at least GBF does. GBF is just kind like that. A saint, really. Yes, Saint GBF. I rather like the sound of that.)

Well, the point is, that without mucho mucho accessories and/or layering, this look is b-o-r-i-n-g. It had its heyday for the past two years, but we’re in ’07, people! Get with the times!

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The boots in this pic aren’t exactly of the cowboy persuasion, but they’re close enough for all intents and purposes. Notice how the young lady in this photo has added a two-tone fedora on top for an updated spin. Also take note of the barely-peeking-out black socks she incorporated to match the lacy slip under her basic dress.

(Of course when I say things like “she incorporated,” I mean “her stylist incorporated.”)

One thing not to forget is to never underestimate the power of bling. Even the addition of strategically placed necklaces, bracelets, rings and earrings has the ability to amp-up this limp look.

Conclusion: Layer it on, bling it up and top it off! Just add something to the plain ol’ dress ‘n boots!